Wednesday, 28 January 2009

NO IDEA

Was there ever a time your instinct proved you right? What did you do about it?

This is not Teacher Julie asking the question. It was a friend who once caught her husband cheating. She said, at first she noticed how her husband's character changed. He was always quiet than the usual, always angry and he would always consider it nagging when his wife wants is just to actually talk. Their communication had obviously shut off and the husband could not stand being in one room with his family.

The confrontation was painful and all the lies were revealed. "Lies coming from another lie", said my friend, were what killed her a million times. But then, the husband asked for forgiveness and she gave him another chance. Besides, they have a daughter and she needs her father.

Time healed the husband's mistake though the wife said it was an everyday struggle to put the past behind. They survived how ever and had two more children.


Then lately, my friend said she saw those changes again. Changes that she once dreaded to admit. Instincts which are so familiar and those obvious lies being knitted were happening again.

Ease my burden folks, get some of it. Answer her questions for me because I really don't have no idea what to tell her.

7 comments:

Hannah

Hmm...that's a tough one. From my single, never-married point of view, I think she needs to figure out how she will handle it if her husband is, in fact, cheating again--before she talks to him about it. Will she be able to forgive him again? Can she live with that? If not, what are her options for herself and for her kids? If she doesn't have any, how can she prepare herself to live with her husband's transgression?

The point is, whatever action she takes, it should be a decision she chooses to do. She can go where the tide of circumstances is pushing her or go against it. Either way, it should be her choice. Walking into sensitive and potentially volatile situations without some kind of mental preparation is walking into psychological disaster.

I don't mean to oversimplify her dolor. I recognize that her real battle is an emotional one. I hope she finds courage to do the right thing for herself and her family, and the strength to hold herself together. May she receive the love and support she needs to get through such a tough time.

lovelyn

Ciao Hannah,

That wasn't bad for a "single, never married point of view" hehehe... I agree, weighing the pros and cons before coming up with her decision is a good start. Standing and preparing for what may happen from her choices is half way lessening "future" pains.

What makes me hesitant to have my say about this is that, all she has is her "instincts". Then what if she's right as she had proven it from past experiences? I wish her well too and like what you've said, may she find courage to do the right thing and the strength to hold her self together... for her children's sake.

I'm reading this book about having children and their role to family life. There's this line that said,"Children, they make your life their hostage... they'll own it." True, once you have them, they'll always be taken into consideration when it comes to making choices. That includes having no right to die hehehe...

Hannah

There's this line that said,"Children, they make your life their hostage... they'll own it." True, once you have them, they'll always be taken into consideration when it comes to making choices. That includes having no right to die hehehe...
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This reminds me of what my dad told a cousin who was also having marriage problems. My dad told him that once you have children, your life is not yours anymore. (You sure my dad is not a co-author of that book you're reading? :D)

The question is no longer, "What's best for me?"; rather, it's "What's best for the kids?" On some level (being single and all :P), I can relate to that.

I wish her the best, which, in this case, is that she's wrong about her instincts. :) Much love to her.

firefly in july

I always tell my husband, that if I ever catch him cheating, I'd probably end up in jail. Magiging criminal ako!

But honestly, I don't know what I will do if placed in your friend's position. It's very difficult to trust again once you've experienced betrayal. I pray that the husband will soon put her worries to rest.

lovelyn

Ciao Hannah,

Tony Parson is younger than your Dad, so this author of "The Family Way" is a copy cat hahaha... Mas orig ni Daddy dudes mo!

True again, "What's best for me?"; rather, it's "What's best for the kids?"... which is ironic, in a way, on the part of the wife who has to tolerate a liar and a pig husband who cheats(ooopps, excuse the word)...

In behalf of my friend, thanks for your well wishes!
__________________________________

Ciao Izma,

That's good! Kill 'em cheaters! hahaha.... Seriously, if you'll do that, you'll lose twice. Then if it would turn out just an attempted murder because he survived and you're in jail, AYSUS!Sabagay temporary insanity works most often than not(lol).

Again in behalf of my friend, thanks and please do pray for her. Its the best thing I know on how we could extend her our help.

julie

I have only one word for her: self-preservation.

If she has this, she would know that everything starts from herself. How she sees herself, how she measures her self-worth, only she can determine that. And when she has, everything else will follow and maybe, she will realize that is better off without those hurts and pains that will keep her feeling battered.

I hope everything will go well :) Hugs to your friend.

lovelyn

Thanks Teacher Julie,

Self preservation, that was a very good advice!

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