LOCKED OUT

Its so light! Something is not right... That's what I felt when I was opening the gate as I pushed Dylan's stroller. I didn't know how heavy our house keys till I forgot to strap my bag around with my cellphone, wallet and yes, the keys in it . We were locked out! I felt like a fire being doused.

Was about to go back and "ravage" the door but in a second, I got my self back. I just said, "Oh men! Dylan, we have to run!", but then I "flew" and amazingly took Dylan to school in time. Note that I don't have my pre paid bus ticket or any amount at hand so we had to walk or fly(?). Adrenalin Thursday, it really was.

I got back home and asked our neighbor for an ID card. He came to help me out but it only proved us - we can't be thieves or robbers at that. We even tried a pin and it somehow moved the keyhole. Like crazy dudes, we almost danced but were later frustrated because it did nothing at all.

"Desperation" almost drilled down the door but thanks to my brother in law, he went to look for the old and unknown keys he is hesitant to throw. Huge relief, I saw our door open like the gates of heaven hehehe...

I thought of writing this to remind us to double check our stuff before we step out our home. What if it was snowing that time? I would be half dead!

WHEN SHE'S NOT WELL

The very last time I had a high fever was when Boogs and I are starting as married couples. That was 12 years ago to be exact. We went home to Tublay and Jenelyn, our boss, had to open her shop for the days that we were not able to tend it.

Aside from the body pain, head ache and all, the realization that its no longer my Dad taking care of me when I am sick, made me cry more that time. I'm an adult, already married and the responsibility of taking care of the "unwell me" is now given to my husband Boogie. Don't get me wrong, I was in tears because of the big change and not because I prefer my Dad from Boogs hehehe...

For three days now, I've been sick with flu and if I don't take my Advil, all my bones will scream in pain. This is the worst so far when child birthing is not included. I can't even sleep because my nose feels strangely dry when I breath and my throat hurts like I have tonsillitis when my tonsils are not really that swollen. Its like I'm always thirsty and my ears seemed to be stuffed with something. Arghhh, when I cough, I'd trade anything for a sleeping pill or pills to knock me down.

First it was Dylan 6 days ago. Then Lukie and I had it the same day. It was Boogs who took all the worries of taking care of us. Yesterday, he was suppose to sleep in the afternoon because he is working night shift. I was on bed with Dylan and my poor husband didn't have his long power nap as he keeps checking on Lukie who was sleeping in his room after taking his paracetamol.

We didn't only have a "Papa nurse" "doctoring" us, we also had a cleaning Papa dude. He cleaned the house, bathroom included hahaha... cup boards and dusted the divider that was long "abandoned"(lols). Dishes were readily washed too. The sweetest part was him shoving a cup of water to each of us specially to Dylan who drinks it in "burden", if he will not stick his whole hand into the cup and play with the water.

We hope Boogs will not catch it too but signs are showing that he will. The virus is just waiting for us to be a bit well for the next patient.

THE DWELLERS

A miracle happened for us today!

Only me and my husband, plus of course the proprietor of our home, knew that finally our windows will be changed before the winter comes. First, let me tell you why this is close to a "phenomenon".

I don't exactly know what year our village was built but it was owned by a rich family with two children, a boy and a girl. Its a summer resort back then with a pool, tennis court, a football field, basketball court and 4 concrete ping pong tables. By the way, all these sports facilities and a children's park still exist and are well maintained by an agency. It has 32 apartments and a bungalow duplex which one of it is our unit.

When the parents died, the siblings, who already have a family of their own, divided the property. The brother sold all his share because they were always arguing about the profits of the resort. The sister wanted to buy all of it but to annoy her, he disposed the apartments to other people. So now, the sister owns only half of the rented houses in this village.

Bad blood was never resolved even after the brother died. A rot that made their children and grandchildren swore they're not related at all .

Our proprietor, the sister, is almost in her senile stage now, so everything is being managed by her eldest daughter Cristina. Sorry to say that we see all the reasons why the older brother reproached her sister. Our leaser is selfish and 'furba'(cheat/trickster). They don't care about their tenants, all they care is the money they accumulate.

Many renters had come and go because the rent is too expensive made worst by the gas bill that reaches to a thousand euros for less than 3 months. The owners don't care because there's always a taker entranced by the luxury and beauty of the place.

The ideal consumption of gas should be half the amount we're paying if the landlord will change the windows that are made of candy glasses. Because again, its suppose to be livable only for summer. The heater automatically switches off when it reaches it's ideal temperature and re-ignites when it gets cold. Not for us, 'e sempre acesso'(its always on). Same complain every year among the tenants that Cristina shrugs off when she comes for vacation here in their big ancestral home next to our village.

Last week, Cristina knocked for the "usual" reason, the yearly increase of rent. And as "usual", she talks fast and won't give you a chance to utter a word then would hurriedly leave.

This time, I asked her to please get inside and could we please talk. Excusing herself with the usual that the dog is pulling her(which why in the world she needs to bring her dog all the time when she can leave it at home). I went out and followed her and told her these in Italian:

"Signora, we're not bad people. We work hard to pay the rent on time. In our almost 6 years of stay here you never had a problem with us. I say this yearly and I'll try to say it again, maybe you will give it a chance. Our gas bill reached a thousand euros again and that's only for three months."

She cut me off with: "Italy is really expensive with everything shooting up" but I said, "No, signora. You know there's something wrong in this house, its the windows!" and I told her that people from the 'commune'(municipal office) came to check our home(a requirement for non Italians when applying for a job) and agreed about the 'finestra'(window).

I pushed my luck and sincerely said, "You are a mother too, you don't want your children to get cold. Same reason why we leave our heater on even though that would mean nothing will be left from our salary. 'Per piacere' (please) just a little bit of consideration, besides, this is your house, what ever you make out of it, its still yours".

I guess I hit her spot, it slowed her and she went around to count the windows and told me she'll be going back to Bologna(their residence) and will talk with her mother about this. Then assured me she'll be back in days to tell me how it went.

Today, Cristina came with the 'operai'(workman) and took the measurements of our windows. She showed him around and told him all I've stated here as to why its costing us a lot. She left the man and told him to come to their house after the job.

Exhilarated with the good news, I told the 'operai', "this is a miracle!". He said, he can imagine our dilemma. Then I asked him if they will do all the 17 apartments including the homes of our 4 Filipino neighbors. He shook his head and spoke, "tsk, tsk... mi dispiace per loro, solo tua (I'm sorry for them, its just yours)". It made me feel bad and don't know if this calls for a celebration or not.

Nevertheless, It pays to speak with utmost sincerity, lay down your cards and tell the truth. Damn if they listen, damn if they don't... that's what I have learned and thankful for these episode.

PUPPY LOVE

He always takes the front row of the bus and she takes the second one. Those two seats are facing the opposite so they're always back to back with each other. Seated next to them are their friends, either girl or boy at times. Then as the bus moves, he and she would turn their backs, so they they would be face to face.


Her hair is always in pony tail and one time he tried to touch a fallen tendril. She blushed while she tucked it in in her ear. He always staires at her specially when she's not looking. Same with her, she steals glances too during those rides. They knew and can see the sparkle everytime their eyes meet, they often held those moments with both their heart beating fast.


She gets out of the bus first and would always give him a sweet smile before she gets out. And when the door closes, she would stand there and wave at him. Then him looking at her from the window, would nod his head and then looks away. But when she turns her back and starts to walk, he would look at her till the bus would lose her in sight.


These is what I see everytime I go home from Lido. Two teenagers who're obviously in "puppy love" with each other. The girl first got my attention because she's very pretty with out any make up on and wearing jeans topped with a simple t-shirt . Unlike most girly youngsters here, glittery colors change their faces with fancy hairstyles and faddy looks in their Dolce and Gabbana, Gucci and Fendi get-ups.


The boy too wouldn't be missed because he looks so much like a dear friend in college. He really looks so much like him.


What's special about these two youngsters is that, they obviously like each other but they seem like stopping it. Again, very different from other teenagers here who are bold in showing intimacy in public, which for me is unsuited not only for their age but the descency to behave properly and cosiderately. Besides, the bus is an awkward place for a bedroom, me thinks...


I always take the mid part of the bus and I watch them with my sun glasses on (hehehe). I find their sweet glances cute. Reminds me when I was young. Those high school years when going to school would be very much anticipated because I would be seeing my crush. Those fast heartbeats and uneasy but blissful feeling when you're next to him. Huhahhh, memories.... memories!


Made me wonder, why was it called "Puppy Love"? Why not "kitten" specially for cat lovers? Hahaha... Someone give me the best answer and your addy(I'll edit and off your address before I publish your comment). A great surprise awaits. Seriously....

IMAGE CREDIT: adelesyorkiesplus.com/puppylove.htm

ACHIEVEMENT VS INVESTMENT

I'd like to think we know well the importance of "family". They're our primary support, as I replied on Ma'am Paula's comment on my prior post. With out one, what and who else is there?

True, friends will be around. Computer, TV, cars, beautiful places etc... will also be there to "somehow" help. Therapist too or other people you pay to hear you out. But a son or daughter, a father or a mother and a sister or brother would always be different. They'll give you that higher sense of security, an instinctive belonging that you're a part of something concrete. The confidence too, that no matter how crappy you are, they'll be there to understand and accept you.

The recent painful incident that shook me to the core, my employer giving up on life because he thought he lost his family and everything(READ:I SHOULD HAVE...) . Killing himself just like that! All of these will make me NOT WANT MORE and embrace what and who I have. Celebrate too on who I really am and what I have become.

The husband who rubs your feet... the energetic kids who drain you but just for a kiss and a hug you're up happy washing their butt... your father who waits for your call... your sisters who tell the latest gossip... your mother in law who anticipates your blog... your sister in law who inspires you because she works hard for that dream to come and visit her nephews... and your father in law who made sure he framed your photo so as to be included to his treasures hanged on the wall... After all, its them - your family - defines you. What greater achievement as well as investment would be better than that?

I SHOULD HAVE...

I'm in so much pain right now. Tears welling down like it would wash away everything. My employer just killed himself. First, his wife left him, his children are all grown up and the eldest decided to live in Spain. Then he had a stroke that left his right arm and legs damaged. He was getting by but eventually got depressed because he felt his children don't care for him anymore.


He always tells me he is going to end his life and told me not to worry because he would let me know. True indeed he related last Friday that he almost did it last Thursday. We were both laughing as he was telling me he was undecided which knife to use. He told me he attempted to cut his throat twice and said, "Shit, its not easy!".


Before, I would only listen when he tells me all his disappointments and anger to what is happening with his life. That day, I just can't listen anymore and spoke my piece. I told him, all his life he'd been working, always thinking of his family and all. Now, he should give himself a break, spend his money and go see the world. Then he said he can't do anything with his affected arm and legs, but realized his life is ending anyway so why think of what his extremities can do.


"You're right, I should do that! I need to go to some place where there's a lot of sun. Thailand maybe." I heard him say and somehow uplifted my worries.


He went to the kitchen and came back holding a 1oo euro bill. Take this he said and I immediately turned it down. I said I can't accept that and he told me not to get offended. "Its for Easter, for you and the kids", he insisted. He left it on the table and I told him I'll take it as advance payment for this month but he repeated, "Please don't, its a gift, at least for the kids".

Then he went to his swimming therapy but before leaving he advised me not to throw one particular box of pasta in the cupboard. He showed me a bulk of money which according to him his children knew of and now I'm included.

I wrote an entry that night but didn't publish it. I talked how I was somehow hurt because its like I was being paid for caring and giving a piece of advice. Though I knew he didn't mean it that way.


Monday, I found him waiting for me before he'll drive 4 hours to his old house in Piemonte. He'll stay there for two days before heading somewhere for his medical check-up.


I saw his brief case and I wondered why that small when he'll be away for days. Something in me wanted to open it but I didn't have the guts to do so. I knew something was wrong.


That night at home, I was thinking of the worst. Maybe he drove off a cliff so I sent him a message to know if he had arrived. "Hey tnx, I'm sleeping here in my house at Piemonte. Tomorrow I'm going to swiz... ciao", he replied. I was relieved to know he's okay and had known that his check-up would be in Switzerland. The next day, I didn't text him because I thought he might be annoyed of me asking how he is.


Today just as I came in the house to cook dinner while my husband and the kids were playing outside, the phone rang and its my other employer, his ex-wife. My eldest son saw me breakdown and I regretted how I made him worry. I had to tell him when he asked me why and I said "Diego is gone, he is dead".

I hate myself now for not doing what I should have done! Always thinking that I don't want to be a snitch. I did not relay to his son all his father's aches and him always saying he'd kill himself. I should have bombarded him with emails that his father needs him and begged him to give up his job in Spain. I should have told his daughter how he is hurting his father when he asks her to do something but would talk herself out. I should have told them not to be judgemental with their father's behavior because he is not well, physically and psychologically.

"Who else would I tell all of these? Just you...", he told me last Friday and these words are echoing over and over in my mind. I should have opened his briefcase because he left it on top of the ironing board and maybe was waiting for me to see his gun inside. I should have figured out what he wrote on his last text message, "...tomorrow I'm going to swiz", that he intentionally misspelled the swiz for suicide. I should have known he was up for something when I asked when will he be back and he said Friday but looked away, shook his head and said, "...maybe not". Before he left, he asked me if I need anything then his last words were, "Good luck and good health to you, your husband and the kids. Bouna Pascua (Happy Easter)!". I should have known.... I should have...

SMILE

Every time I ride the boat on my way to my part time job, a thought comes to mind and I'll tell myself, "I'll write about this tonight!". Then when I get back home, either I'll forget or I just can't make a sentence out of it. The next time I'll be heading to work, same thoughts playing all over again, "I will write about this tonight." So after almost a year, I'm still here trying to write it down.

Back in high school, there's this very popular girl in campus. Her name is Jackie, a year older than me and she's also from Tublay. Who would not love a girl who readily gives a smile? That's how I remember her. The girl with a big smile. I don't personally know her but until now, I could only think of everything warm, charm and everything positive when I picture her face. She was elected as one of our school officer (can't remember which position) and yes, I voted for her not because she's from Tublay but because of her smile.

Another man from Tublay Central who approached me during one of our Town Fiesta. I don't know his name but I know him by face. I always see him everytime I tag along with my Dad to their "flying school". He told me in Ibaloi, "You know what makes your Dad endearing, its his readily given smile. There's sincerity in it making you feel secured. 'Agshi-an tu pay e takday mo unno e takdang mo nu maki asel sun sikam' (He would even hold your hand or your shoulder when he'd talk to you). Arahh, singan kettan importanten tuo numan (Oh well, I feel like an important person when he does that)".

SMILE - EVERYONE IS WATCHING

To sound more educational, lets inject some facts (lol). So many articles, research and quotes I want to include. Take this piece from AMBASSADOR YOUTH for instance.

Notice the following facts about smiling:

• 72% of people think of those who smile frequently as being more confident and successful.

• 86% of people say that they are more likely to strike up conversations with strangers if they are smiling.

• Bosses are 12% more likely to promote people who smile a lot.

• Research shows that 65% of communication is non-verbal (many claim an even higher percentage).

• Non-verbal communication comprises facial expressions, eye movement, gestures, posture, and all other bodily signs-primarily facial expressions.
• The effects of a smile are so powerful that even a smile on the telephone produces positive results.

• When someone comes into a room, people are automatically drawn to their face, and a smile provides a warm greeting.

• Studies show that happiness is a by-product of smiling, not the other way around as most people assume.

• Research shows that when two people in conversation use the same kind of body movements and gestures (such as smiling), they will experience greater empathy for each other, which they may not even consciously notice.

MY GAY FOUND FRIEND

My cousin Susan once said when every one's mistaken on who is who between me and my sister Noeda, "That's easy, Lovelyn smiles a lot!". I know my cousin was just being polite not to say I'm the crazy one hahaha... literally, that is.

Remembering this gay manning one of the cashiers in the Supermarket where we buy most of our meat. My sister dislikes him and avoids his line. The impression stayed when he once didn't cater to my sister's need because it was still early and he didn't have loose change. By the looks, you'll dread him with his crooked eyebrows and he seem like angry all the time. Sometimes it makes me think, was it because we buy all these meat and he might be a vegetarian?

Only during holy hours when I can go shop for our groceries. Just after I get out of work and its "him" on the counter during this time of the day. I had no choice. "Okay, he could give me that long face anytime, its his problem not mine", I told myself. My turn to pay and I greeted him 'Boun giorno'(good day) and asked him for a plastic bag. I gave him my wide smile. He looked at me puzzled and I saw an attempt to reciprocate. I call it a "one-forth" smile, he just did then went back again to his mean face.

The next time, I did the same with a wider smile and he said, 'Boun giorno' too with a "half smile" held a little longer that looks more like a twitch(hehehehe). Now, I conquered his widest smile and even though I'm still far from the line, we would smile at each other while he frowns more to those who frowns him back. He now asks me, " Come va?"(how are you) while he does his job with all the meat I bought(lol). I have just proven what Professor Dale Jorgenson of Harvard University said, "Smiling is a case in which a simple act can have profound affects on the kinds of experiences we have with other people and how they treat us.”

More interesting read ups here: Fake it Till you Make It: Can Smiling Improve Mental State and The Benefit of Laughter - How Laughter Can Reduce Stress and ... - Research has shown health benefits of laughter ranging from strengthening the immune system to reducing food cravings to increasing one's threshold for pain. There's even an emerging therapeutic field known as humor therapy to help people heal more quickly, among other things. Humor also has several important stress relieving benefits.

QUOTED SMILES

Lastly, I'll leave you with these quotes from THE QUOTE GARDEN . Every quote is beautiful so I decided to post it all. Does it show why it took me a year to write this down.... and all I want to say is - "Oh, just SMILE!"?

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A smile confuses an approaching frown. ~Author Unknown

People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile. ~Lee Mildon

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~Phyllis DillerSmile.

Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over. ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. ~Author Unknown

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. ~W.C. Fields

Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available. ~Jim Beggs

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~Charles Gordy

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello

A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home. ~Author Unknown

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. ~Andy Rooney

If you smile at someone, they might smile back. ~Author Unknown

Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it. ~Author Unknown

Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. ~Author Unknown

Everyone smiles in the same language. ~Author Unknown

If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine. ~Author Unknown

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. ~Author Unknown

Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ~George Eliot

She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket. ~Raymond Chandler

Smiling is infectious,You can catch it like the flu.Someone smiled at me today,And I started smiling too.~Author Unknown

A smile appeared upon her face as if she'd taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there. ~Loma Chandler

A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~Mary H. Waldrip

Smile - sunshine is good for your teeth. ~Author Unknown

The shortest distance between two people is a smile. ~Author Unknown

If you don't start out the day with a smile, it's not too late to start practicing for tomorrow. ~Author Unknown

Smiling is my favorite exercise. ~Author Unknown

Wear a smile - one size fits all. ~Author Unknown

No matter how grouchy you're feeling,You'll find the smile more or less healing.It grows in a wreath

All around the front teeth -Thus preserving the face from congealing.~Anthony Euwer

Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day. ~Author Unknown

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile. ~Author Unknown

A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles. ~Washington IrvingBeauty is power; a smile is its sword. ~Charles Reade

A smile is the universal welcome. ~Max Eastman

Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to. ~Author Unknown

You're never fully dressed without a smile. ~Martin Charnin

A smile can brighten the darkest day. ~Author Unknown

It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown. ~Author Unknown

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. ~Janet Lane

All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile. ~Chris Hart

If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile. ~Author Unknown

Smile - it increases your face value. ~Author Unknown

Peace begins with a smile. ~Mother Teresa

A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. ~Author

Unknown

Most smiles are started by another smile. ~Author Unknown

A smile is something you can't give away; it always comes back to you. ~Author Unknown

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. ~Author Unknown

It takes a lot of work from the face to let out a smile, but just think what good smiling can bring to the most important muscle of the body... the heart. ~Author Unknown

NO IDEA

Was there ever a time your instinct proved you right? What did you do about it?

This is not Teacher Julie asking the question. It was a friend who once caught her husband cheating. She said, at first she noticed how her husband's character changed. He was always quiet than the usual, always angry and he would always consider it nagging when his wife wants is just to actually talk. Their communication had obviously shut off and the husband could not stand being in one room with his family.

The confrontation was painful and all the lies were revealed. "Lies coming from another lie", said my friend, were what killed her a million times. But then, the husband asked for forgiveness and she gave him another chance. Besides, they have a daughter and she needs her father.

Time healed the husband's mistake though the wife said it was an everyday struggle to put the past behind. They survived how ever and had two more children.

Then lately, my friend said she saw those changes again. Changes that she once dreaded to admit. Instincts which are so familiar and those obvious lies being knitted were happening again.

Ease my burden folks, get some of it. Answer her questions for me because I really don't have no idea what to tell her.

SPOOKY

We went to my cousin Susan's place last Sunday (not this recent Sunday) to commemorate his brother SONY'S first death anniversary. Friends and relatives came to pray the rosary with us. Then we had a delightful lunch prepared by Myrma and Ate Norms that will make you slouch back and wait for that relieving 'dighay'(burp).

Later that day, they all proceeded to the church and attended the mass for our departed cousin. Dylan was having his afternoon nap so we stayed and waited for him to wake up. We'll just lock Auntie Susan's house when we'll be heading home.

To fill time while my son is dozing, Boogs and I were singing with their Karaoke and Lukie was resting on her auntie Susan's couch. Then Dylan woke up and had his merienda. Bored perhaps, he was crying for the door and wants to go home. My three boys then went and waited for me outside while I fix my cousin's house a bit.

I straightened the sofa's cover, threw our mess and wash the spoons and cups we used. I was about to go out when I remembered the stereo. Though I knew Boogs had switched it off, I went to check anyway.

It was still on. I pressed the "Power" button but lights were still orange and CD, Radio, multi system etc... were appearing on it's little screen. Maybe I pressed it too hard so I waited for 5 minutes and switched it off again. Nothing happened. I did the same, waited and pressed for about 3 times more.

Then I got scared. Goosebumps, I had! Then I spoke, "Sony, I'm sorry. I have to go and your stereo stays ON. I don't know how to switch it OFF, okey?"..... Spooky... of course no one answered

I asked my husband who was waiting with the kids if he had put off the stereo and he said YES. Scaredy cat I am, the more I become.

Before going to bed, I phoned up my cousin Susan and asked her about the stereo......... and she said, "you have to pull the plug".

Yeah, now I know, pressing the power button won't do the trick, "I have to pull the plug"! Myrma was right, "Hwag matakot sa taong patay, mas nakakatakot ang taong buhay".

EYES WIDE SHUT

That blaring sound of a plane about to take off except that your ears are seemed covered... or you immersed yourself in the bathtub and hearing the house alarm so loud but dull... Then you're forcing yourself to wake up. You're panicking now because you know its a bad dream. They said move your toes so you can open your eyes. So you did! But then again, sleep was so enticing that you went back to dreamland and moreover same scary sound you hear. Struggling and you're grasping for breath... a nightmare.


The deafening noise, alas, its fading. Illusory image are starting to make sense. A person... he smiled. You know him and you were glad to have seen him again. Then you realise he is already dead.


In your dream you know its just a dream. Fear may be unnerving but still gripping on to that presence of mind, you finally talked to the dead.


I had this "trance"(lol) before I woke up and send my son to school yesterday. In my dream (after the nightmare), I saw my cousin SONY. He was sitting behind me and I was scared. He was laughing because I'm horrified. Then I eased and had the courage to talk to him.


"Pangabaken mo ga adi sig-ami ni lotto!"(Help us to win the lotto), I uttered. He was still laughing and I told him, "Oh we'yah, you know how it is to place a bet and lose!"......... My bedside alarm snoozed and my eyes opened before my cousin said those winning numbers. 'Sayang'!

THE IGOROT MOTHER BLOGGER

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family; Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one!" A quote by Jane Howard (1935-1996).

To educate solecism and correct the ill stigma concerning how our fellow countrymen see us, THE IGOROTS, may be impossible. A mother who belongs to "this" tribe who happens to blog, only dreams she could help educate the implications of ignorance about her people. But, what if she tries?

Native Cordillerans who're from the Northern part of the Philippines with the following Provinces: Abra, Apayao, Benguet, Baguio City, Bontoc , Kalinga and Ifugao, are the IGOROTS, who often referred to as the "people from the mountains". With which in it's context is literally true, but sometimes, it is abused and used as a derogatory remark by those who doesn't really know us.

True, we are 'taong bundok'(mountain people) because our homes are situated in the mountains but that doesn't mean we're lesser humans than the people from Iloilo, or Manila, or any other parts of the Philippines. For one we don't have curly hair, not of dark complexion, almost 90 percent of literacy and English is widely spoken than our national language - Filipino.

I don't need to enumerate who is who but just like any other Filipino, many of us are professionals from doctors, to nurses, lawyers, artist etc... Some were successful in businesses that had given prestige to our country like the Narda's Handwoven Arts & Crafts among the many.

Each of our different ETHNIC GROUPS: Bontoc, Ibaloi, Ifugao, Isneg (or Apayao), Kalinga, Kalanguya and the Kankana-ey, is rich in customs and traditions. The preservation of our culture that was not heaved by the Spanish regime is very symbolic of our ancestor's antagonism to whoever wants to strip our roots- OUR IDENTITY. Neither the American's influence did not eradicate our fashion sense of not to wearing our 'kubal/kuba'(G-strings) for men, 'tapis' for women during special occasions nor our dancing with our gongs and solibao(Igorot drum).

Head hunters? Yes, the Igorots specifically the Kalinga tribe had this practice but that was only true in the past. It had been abolished long before our parents were born.

Seeing our "kind" at the Botanical Garden and Mines View Park being paid to have photos with you as the picture of who we are as Igorots is another limited or unwitted perception. To rather see the dignity of not resorting into stealing just to put food in their mouth is more dignified. "Picture taking", their job, is more noble than wearing 'Barongs' as they comfortably sit "on" government offices corrupting people's money.

Sure, you see some beggars asking you to spare a dime while you sit at Burnham Park. An old lady in particular would even decline food if you you give him that instead of money. Again, that is not the generalization of who we are. Like any other Filipino group, there are less fortunate and your alms are their means to meet their ends.

So next time you scare your children saying, "Sige kayo, kukunin kayo ng Igorot!.."(the Igorots will get you) or when your kids are uncontrolable and you blurted out, "para kayong mga Igorot, doon kayo sa bundok!"(you're like Igorots, stay in the mountais.)... you are doing well in teaching racism, solecism, prejudism and is successful in miseducating them.

"I am an Igorot. Let me be treated as I deserve—with respect if I am good, with contempt if I am no good, irrespective of the name I carry. Let the term, Igorot, remain, and the world will use it with the correct meaning attached to it." –Jose Dulnuan

MY SIMPLE OBAMANESS

Okey, I'm just a SAHM and not even an American. My "political acrobats" would not even pass in deffirentiating a democrat from a republican. But, a future president who can move and dance that "hot" is a "change" itself hehehe...

I have to give credit first to REYNA ELENA for stalking Sen Obama here: Meet Senator Barack Obama, 47 years old. As usual, the laughters "she"(that's Reynz), draws out even if "she" talks seriously (to the highest degree) is contagoius.

Eversince Sen Obama was making a name for himself, I've always rooted for him to make it big mainly because he is black. So absurd as it may sound but I believe that the "challenge" of marking history as the first African - American President will always remind him to do what is right and that would also burden him to be a good one.

Here is a must read: The story of my life

...Whose story do you prefer?

It may not come as much of a surprise to hear that politicians are adept at telling stories. But in the modern political age, our leaders have increasingly relied on creating narratives around themselves and their ideas to communicate with us... continue reading

THINKING TOO MUCH

Sometimes I envy those people whose only problem is how to wash their dishes... or how to cook the chicken - 'adobo or tinola'?

Sometimes I wish I couldn't read - no TV, no news, no computer and be ignorant about the poverty crisis in the Philippines and the graft and corruption that is worsening it. I also desire NOT TO KNOW about the hunger in Africa, the recent incest case that rocked Germany, mourning widows and orphans of the war in Iraq, children missing, abused and killed, injustice etc... etc...

It also hurts so much to know that there are sick people who're just waiting for their time to die because they can't afford to buy their life.

Sometimes I simply wish I'll stop thinking that much.

But, you know what? When I hug my boys, they bring me back to hope. They resurrect me from drowning into the maladies of the society. The need to be strong to show them that the world is still beautiful may be a struggle but I owe it to them and their "budding life". And, this is not because of my duty as a parent... its for the love of life itself.

Cartoon Credit: http://www.cartoonstock.com/

HIS DAY

Hot! Myspace Comments
To Lukie and Daylan's Papa, you really are a father now. How to spend father's day? Hmmmnnn...a whole day fathering around, tell Mama to have the day's off. That would be fun...for the Mama, that is. Hehehe...

Seriously, Papa dude is a better parent than me. Aside from "his genes"( the Dac's side), he helps my kids in developing their intelligence.

With Lukie, it was Boogie who was patient in teaching him how to read starting at the age of two. I for one thought, they'll learn those stuff when they're ready but when Lukie was able to read well at the age of 4, I was impressed and submitted to my husband's "fathering skills".

While for Dylan - we have this toy cups of different sizes that when put on top of the the other, it becomes a tower. Boogie would always gather them when each piece will be scattered all over the house. One in the kitchen, another under the bed, some in the box and others elsewhere - you'll need to storm. All these just for Dylan to mess up again.

Playing with the kids? Again, Papa Dude does it well specially with the Play Station and PsP. Mama doesn't even know which is the left or the right. With the bike, Mama is scared and can't ride it with Dylan on the baby seat. She can't even race Lukie and it would always irritate his son whe she says, "Lukie, be careful!" or "Don't go fast, its dangerous!". Kill joy, that's what Mama is when it comes to "games for the boys".

Its Father's day so I'm bravely admitting all of these hahaha... On Monday, I might take it back(lol)....To you Boogs, CHEERS and "HORSE" always!... Palabok, Shanghai Lumpia and Hopiang Ube, I'll cook it for you! Oh my, I'm glad Father's Day is only once a year!

GOOD FRIDAY FEARS

noeda, sharon, irish, baby danica, jehan and lovelyn

Back when my Lola Meding was still with us, for a little girl who loves playing in the mountains or at the school ground near our home, Good Friday is a doom's day. We're not allowed to go out of the house, play loud or noisy games and sing with the guitar as me and my sisters usually do when we're gathered at home. "Jesus Christ is suffering and will die today", my grandma would always remind us.

Even our sibling fights are put on hold - a ceasefire and a silent agreement to be a little bit nice in respect to "Big J's" death. What makes the day really doomed is - there's no cartoon shows on TV and regular programs are not on the entire Holy Week.

'Sabado Gloria' (Black Saturday) was better. The family usually goes swimming to Labey, the river that connects Tublay, Benguet and Ambuklao Dam. Other times, we go to the small river at my father's farm in Babatan which is only four kilometers away from our place.

As I grew up and knew more why Holy week is observed for us Catholics, I hope I understood it well. A God Himself who became a man and knew He will be mocked, thrown stone at, walked through His death and later be crucified had allowed all these to happen with His reason of saving man from their sins. That's one tough true love for HIM to bare for us who are sometimes undeserving of these noble sacrifice.

I remember that distinct feeling of my Good Friday Fears. If God is dead, ghosts and "baddies" will be all around till He is risen the next day. That sense of "security" that Someone is looking after you is gone. Oh my, I'm glad that's just for a day.

Writing these down now is not at all about my Good Friday Fears. It turned out to be a reminder of how I am doomed with out "Big J", how I really need Him after all. Funny memories, its good they keep coming back.

WHAT 'DONNA' WANTS

'Donna'(woman), she reckons herself. "I think I'll "waive" my attempts to stand for Venus! To embody her being is enigmatic. This goddess' kind has all the power to turn ambivalence to their advantage. They are sometimes vicious or so I think." she started. "You see, I can't even understand what I have just said"! as she heartily laughed typing her thoughts.

Weeks before she'll turn 34, she told her husband, "No celebration, no gifts, no food. Just a quiet night with all my boys!". Which her husband readily submitted to thinking it would be too tiring for his wife to do the "usual". Usual as in inviting friends and family. One thing she lived up with having a birthday that falls on Valentines Day, everyone remembers. "Besides, I'm getting old. Its no longer fun adding the numbers", she convinced herself.

Her big day came and the husband went to work. NO "Happy birthday Hon!" NOT even a text message of "Happy Heart's Day" for her. "Oh, he is up to something", she tried to think as an excuse. Ten o'clock, lunch break and the phone never rang. " I said no celebration, not totally forget about it!", she told herself with her eyebrows now crooked.

The door opened and the husband came. "Look! He has nothing, not even a single rose!", in her mind the voices spoke. Still no greeting but the husband asked, "Adu ba nag-greet kenka?(Were there a lot who greeted you). She said yes and told him about her Daddy's phone call. She added, "Dad had pinikpikan and pancit. You know, a simple Valentines feast for them ". The husband answered, "You really are special to Dad. He cooked those for you!"

Earlier that day her sister said she'll be coming over. "Good, she'll babysit so we could go with our original plan a month ago. If someone will stay with the kids we'll dine out." she gladly thought. Then her other sister called to greet but was upset because her kids were sick. "Maybe it would be better if Ica goes to you, you need her more for help", she told her other sister. So, dinner for two was crossed out.

4 PM, 5 PM, 6PM, 7PM...She's counting the time. "Naah-ah, he took my words for it. Oh well, its what I asked for.", she now succumbed her defeat. She then started to cook for dinner but the husband said, "I thought we're ordering pizza?"... She saw light and rays of hope! "Yeah, brilliant! Had that almost two months ago. Now, I'm craving for it.", as the voices spoke happily in her mind.

Her son jumping saying, "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza and fries!" was enough to draw that joy for the day. And, ALAS it came! A humongous pizza with 2 variety of toppings on each side.

Then to her surprise the cake and the flowers came too. Her husband is holding 'em as he sings the birthday song. And there's more, a bag from Solaris which she opened. She took out first the membership card which she thought was a gift certificate for the spa. But, the card turned out to be a one year guarantee for the signatured sunglasses she thinks is too much for a luxury.

Maybe the food had cast it's spell, her little boys slept early and soundly - what a gift. "Hon, this is my best birthday ever!" she whispered to her husband before she affirmed it with a long and passionate kiss. "I am very happy", she added in between...

Tell me, isn't she harebrained sometimes? What she says, she doesn't mean and you'll get to pay when you haven't sensed it right. " It takes a real man to know what donna wants", she wants to believe. "I'll have my revenge!", she now ends.

LUKIE IS SIX YEARS OLD NOW

There are times you thought you have so many things to write about. And because you have a lot, you can't write any. Its good my 50 t0 100th Random Talks as a continuation to this 100 RANDOM TALKS FOR MY 100TH POST is still up. My eldest son's 6th birthday will do it for me.

51. Boogie and I would like Lukie's 6th birthday to be for "the kids" and we thought of celebrating it at Spizzico(Pizza Parlor also hosting children's party) or at a Video Arcade.

52. Our son didn't like the idea saying he prefers it here at home.

53. He said he wants his party here because those suggested places are quite far. "I want it to be with all our friends", he added.

54. I thought I was saved from the cooking!

55. Trying to persuade him subtly and bribing him at times, still the answer is no.

56. Before this party planning, I tried to explain to my son that maybe it would be better if we celebrate his birthday just the four of us. We'll just dine out at a restaurant of his pick.

57. I told him, we spent a lot for Christmas and we are saving money for our a holiday in the Philippines.

58. He answered, " Ahhh Si(yes) Mama, e' vero (you're right)"!

59. Oh, my son understood!

60. Everyday, he looks at our calendar and tells me I have to write on the space of January 21 - LUKIE'S BIRTHDAY AT SCHOOL and LUKIE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT HOME on the 22nd day.

61. Huh, I thought he understood! Am I saved from cooking or no?

62. When kids can read and know how to see the time and the calendar, you have to "upgrade your parenting skills". Special days will never be missed "intentionally".

63. Those days of planning where to, what to do or even "will we do" gave me the realization that it's my son's day, not mine.

64. What I want is not what will make my son happy - ITS WHAT HE WANTS that is.

65. Then he keeps on writing what's the menu and picturing 'nostri amici'(our friends) singing after we eat. There it goes, we are having people the Sunday before the 21st.

66. Every time we have this kind of spending, it makes me guilty of taking out that amount. But, how can you explain to a 6 year old child that he won't be having a birthday party because there are a lot of people who are hungry, or sick people who are in dire need of money?

67. I can but I can't make him suppress his disappointment of making his BIRTH DAY stand out among all the other DAYS.

68. Kids are kids anyway, so let them be.

69. 4 days before the celebration, Lukie got sick of Influenza.

70. I called his doctor and told him his fever won't go down even if I give him Tachipirina(paracetamol) religiously.

71. Doctor Moretti told me to give him Nureflex. Its an Ibuprofen and in 30 minutes, fever was contained. Friday morning, Boogie took our son to the Dr.'s clinic.

72. The night before, which was Thursday, I went to bed early and Boogie stayed on the computer.

73. When he followed after and was pulling the quilt, I thought I heard him say we won 2 numbers of 'superstars' from the lottery.

74. That's 10 euros only so I didn't bother. He told me again the next morning and I answered, "Its not easy to win two numbers with 'superstar' out of 90 numbers. Why 10 euros only?"

75. He also said the 33 million was won by just one person.

76. We usually hear that lots of Pinoys in Venice win large amount from 'lotto'. Lucky them. That's because they don't miss a single draw and that's 3 times a week. They also bet much or they buy more tickets.

77. I'm not against betting but to depend your future on it and spending a big sum of money for the hopes to win is just not me. I believe that if you hit the luck, a single ticket of 50 euro CENTS would be enough.

76. That's why I never win!

77. Then Boogs went to claim his small price from the 'gazettino'(newspaper store) with Lukie after their visit from the doctor.

78. The man in the store ran Boog's ticket on the the machine and said you WON "108 euros".

80. What my husband heard was the "8" euros only so he gave the old man a puzzled look.

81. Boogie thinking the old man will cheat him with 2 euros - He gave the old man crooked eyebrows.

82. It made the man ran the ticket again and said, "Scusa, hai vinto 110.00 euros"(Sorry, you won 110.oo euros).

83. "'Ayy wen gayam a'! ", my husband thought and went home with a wide a grin on his face.

84. Then he gave me the 100 bill and I told him, "See I told you so! Impossible nga dyes laeng no nagrigat ti mangabak"(its not possible to get ten only when its hard to win).

85. That's the ANITOS' gift for Lukie's birthday!

86. Had we pushed through with the pizza parlor plan or the video arcade, the prenotation was done a month ago.

87. We have to pay an amount for the reservation fee.

88. If the party will be cancelled, that money will be theirs.

89. For sure, we won't go on with it because Lukie just got sick.

90. See when you give in with what your son wants on his day!

91. I pumped the balloons on Saturday night so that all will be set for the next day.

92. Boogs had to work for the night and he'll be busy with the barbecue tomorrow. "I'll do the balloons for him.", thinking loud I am.

93. I pumped 25 pcs and burst 5.

94. Left 8 pieces for Boogs to do tomorrow because I was tired and sleepy.

95. Ohh my, POOOK!--POOOK!---POOOK! SHOUTED(hahaha) THE BALLOONS EVERY 30 MINUTES while we were on bed!

96. Why oh why? Sayang!

97. My husband came in the morning and told me "Andami mo namang ginawang balloon" as he looks at the 5 PCS LEFT.

98. He pumped the remaining pieces and told me, "Grabe naman kasi e, sinubrahan mong pinalaki, panong di puputok yan?"

99. Ahihihi!

100. Done. Lukie is six yeas old now! Mama, Papa and Dylan love him soooo much!

100 RANDOM TALKS FOR MY 100TH POST

June 2007 was the first time I submitted my entry on Blogger. This is my 100th post. Just want to try writing like "enumeration" is needed for my blitheful says. Now, the list goes:

1. I've been waiting for my 100th post to show my FRIENDSHIP AWARD from Teacher Julie. She gave it to me HERE and I'm also passing it to the following - all my "MUST CLICKS"....

2. iBOONDOCK another blog from the boondocks - Bill's new corner. As the prize for all the 'Kailian's' clicking that we once blogged here - HELP BILL!

3. BENCHWARMER(Northern Philippine Times) - The reason why we read SunStar Baguio.

4. Boogie's Blog - I hope he will update soon. My Papa dudes (ever)!

5. My sister Noeds has her own site. She used to be my photographer back in my younger years. When digital camera was far from existence, a full film of my vanity she all took.

6. Page 101 - Jane found out Adobong pork and pusit is yummy. She calls it Adobasit.

7. My Good Finds. Org - Tina is successfully doing PayPerPost.

8. I've met Raggold and Kengkay. They're my neighbors from Germany.

9. I wish I could speak French like Mommy Analyse.

10. The MegaMom was one of the first Mommy I've met at PINOY MOMS NETWORK . She has cute little triplets. That says why her name is MegaMom

11. RUSSEL ARIOLA for your wedding photos or any occasions. Click his site for his contacts and samples of his work.

12. A hearty laugh REYNA ELENA gives me all the time. He makes blogging so much fun.

13. The Human Rights Lady Lawyer SMORGASBORD OF RANDOM THOUGHTS and all her poems, I wish I'll be her even just for one day.

14. Skraekja her documentation of the love between a father and his daughter will teach us what is essential in making a family. One of the smartest writer I know.

15. The Broken Bow and his classy choices of entry. Impressive.

16. Ma'am Lisa of Baguio Insider as she updates us with the upcoming Panagbenga.

17. I'm really proud to be one of the cousins of this good writer at Nem Nem Ko. Miss Buguias we call her.

18. Ivadoy Country...in Quezon City is also from my home town Tublay like me.

19. I would love to have her job. Luta writes at A nomad's thoughts.

20. GANDANG IGOROTA rides horses which I also once love to do. We share the love of books. I like her way of writing and her piece about "CHOICES", made me hug-hug my husband.

21. Me, Myself and I works as a Bible translator. Cool job, I say!

22. The Anito Kid will never kid us. Blogger Award for 2008 again, I see.

23. Geri is Evans mom. What a nice name "Evan" is.

24. I'm done with the links. Huh, that was a lot.

25. My back is hurting me, I need a better chair infront this PC.

26. An article from CNN - WWI 'blogger' captures attention is an inspiration to me. WW1: Experiences of an English Soldier is the grandson's narration of his grandfather's past through the letters his grand dad wrote.

27. I had cut my hair last week and I'm really feelin' it light. Bangs is in, so I'm not out(lol).

28. What a long list and my eyes are dropping.

29. Just punch in what comes up. Randomly, remember?
30. Lukie will have his 6th birthday on the 21st.

31. He wants two cakes. One for school and one for home.

32. I'm making him cupcakes for school with the help of Mr. Day (ready made cupcakes). Thanks to Des' friendster pix for the idea.

33. I'll stop at 50 if I'm not yet done comes 4:00 AM.

34. We have to eliminate our old big goldfish from the aquarium.

35. We replaced it with 4 Angel fishes and 4 fishes (I don't know what they're called) with only their tails are colored orange.

36. The big fish is opt for adoption (lol). Anyone interested?

37. Carnevale will be next month. Lukie and classmatea made their masks at school.

38. This is Dylan's latest photo. Feeling the cold floor for a change.

39. Both my sons are sleeping with out blanket.

40. They both kick it when I cover them.

41. Boogie said we will catch colds sleeping with these kids.

42. And I thought its easy to do this till the 100th.

43. Its raining hard here. It would have been a heavy snow if the temperature is lower.

44. Lukie had been wanting to make a snow man and throw snow balls. Last year, we weren't able to make some because it didn't snow.

45. My eldest is belching high notes now. He could sing like Mama. Thanks to YouTube, Arnel Pineda and Charice Pempengco.

46. He sings with the Magic mic almost everyday and he is not shy anymore.

47. My son said, "Come on, lets sing so we'll be rich!" hahaha.

48. There's a Filipino in Austria who is making it big in musical shows. Go see him at YouTube. Vincent Bueno is the name.

49. Italy is on sale. Clothes are down to 50 percent and less discount. Its early for Saldi(sale) and they blame it on the depreciating economy.

50-100. I thought I can make it till the the hundredth but its 4:30 AM now and I need to get some sleep. Have a nice week end every one and hope to start on my one hundred oneth post soon! Good Morning!