WHO IS READY? (Part 3)
There's this prayer my late Lola Meding made me and my sisters memorize when we were kids. All my cousins too, whom my grandmother had also taken care of, before she came to live with us. Its the "clan's" payer (till now) before we go to bed. It goes:
ANGEL OF GOD
Angel of God, my Guardian dear,
To whom His love, commits me here,
Ever this day [or night] be at my side,
To light and guard,
To rule and guide.
Amen.
Lukie started saying this prayer when he was 3 years old. Before he turned 5, "the angels" could only understand the first and last word of each line. Words in between, my son lets them figure it out(lol). Endearingly closes his eyes and clasps his hands, Lukie prays, "Angelllll____ God, Myyyyy___ dear. Tooooo______ love.....".
HE WAS READY
From the time I started composing my son's readiness of sleeping in his own room, he actually did the big leap a week before. When his 'cameretta'(bed) was delivered and put up, he asked if he could sleep on it that very night. For a week I didn't let him because the smell of the paint is still there (when it was actually a water-base paint and not really that smelly).
I'm aware, I did never run out of reasons for that room NOT to be finally of use: Comforter's cover is not yet ready.... Since everything is new, I don't want to use any of the old ones (which, still looks new). The carpet hasn't arrived yet.... we need more containers for the toys.... and all other lacking depth excuses I am probably making up.
Less guilt for my "controlling" behavior because I share it with my better half. My husband too, he said the room would be too cold for Lukie on his own. He even suggested we'll wait till Dylan could give big brother that company. There's also the fear of Lukie hating his brother more. Thinking, he was and is to be "physically removed" from his bed. And now, from his known room to another.
IT HURTS
Indeed it did and still it does. November 2, 2008, I tucked Lukie in for the very first time on his new bed, new room and into his first big step towards independence.
A smile of excitement, relief and pride on my son's face crushed (literally) my heart when I finally covered him with his blanket. My guilt too of keeping him a baby breaks, pounds and grinds every inch of me. How I held those tears not to flow.
"Ahhhh, how comfortable!" my son said, still with that smile. "Mi piace!"(I like it!) he keeps on repeating.
I'm so ashamed I can not leave his room and I keep stroking his hair while giving him pecks of kisses. "Bouna notte"(good night) were said a hundred times with I love yous but I just can't let my self out.
I was, in a way, proud of him because his enthusiasm didn't dwindle after all my (our) excuses. I could feel he felt he won his autonomy.
"CUT OFF THE DRAMA"
My conscience told me, "....the kid just loved what you did to his room! Hello? He isn't back packing for the Amazons!" and I hated "me" for that. Its hard to concede from your ego specially when she is boldly RIGHT.
More than a month had passed, Lukie never came on our bed. "Niente brutto sognio"(no bad dreams) he tells me. I keep on persuading him to sleep with me and Dylan when my husband works night shift. "Why?" he asked me once and I told him to fill his Papa's space. He declined.... always declines.
OPEN DOOR
My son's only request when I leave his room, "Mama, leave my door open please!". That is hope for me. Behind all the his wanted independence, now and more to come in the future, the "open door" is Mama or Papa. He knows we are still in the next room and would slay his dragons when he needs us to.
Funny because after all these, I became a "night walker". "I need to pee" is my excuse. And before going back to my bed, I drop by Lukie's room and make sure he is well covered. Boogie? Oh, we take turns hahaha... he too goes to check on his son.
So who is ready? Obviously us! Ever since the Part 1 of these series, it was a silly question with a give away answer. I know this room thing is nothing for the many wanted autonomy's by my children someday. More drama's, more crying but until then, I'll cherish all these experiences. It is yet another reason for me to keep my "obsessive" mothering at hand... that was a joke hehehe...
Again-again..... But, until then, I'll cherish all these experiences because it is yet another reminder and will stay as one to nudge me that my children will not stay KIDS forever. They actually grow, like I did. They'll leave and will have a family of their own, like I did. Now I miss my Dad, he used to tell us all of these. I just felt what he had been feeling as he "gives" one daughter "away".
Pahabol: I hope to post more pix of the room.
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